This can be very difficult. On the one hand, you want to maintain the person’s trust and confidence. Usually, it is both appropriate and important to do this. On the other hand, you want the person to be safe.
There’s no one simple answer about whether, when and how it might be appropriate to disclose this confidence, as each situation is unique. But these are some things you might consider:
Is the person seeing a healthcare professional regarding their disordered eating? If they are a child, are their parents or guardians aware?
Eating disorders are serious and can be life-threatening. It can be difficult to know whether the person is at imminent risk without medical assessment.
A young person’s parent or guardian may need to know that they are struggling with disordered eating so that they can facilitate appropriate supports. In some situations, a ministry leader who has responsibility for a child or young person might also need to be aware to fulfil their duty of care. For example, they might need to be conscious of the young person’s eating behaviours if they are responsible for them on a camp.
If you are supporting the person, you might need support for yourself. Consider talking to the person about how you might receive support while respecting their desire for confidentiality. These thoughts for carers might be helpful as you navigate this.
Some church ministries have formalised support structures. For example, youth leaders might report to a youth minister, or pastors might see a professional supervisor. This can place limits on confidentiality, and ideally people should be made aware of these before they confide in the people affected.
It’s usually best to be open and honest with the person if you feel that their disordered eating needs to be shared with someone else. One exception is if you believe that this would put their safety at risk (for example, if they might hurt themselves if they think someone else is going to know about this).
Try to give the person as much choice as possible in this situation. For example, if a young person’s parent needs to be informed, you might want to ask the young person if they would prefer to tell their parents what is happening (and you follow up afterwards), or would like you to tell their parents with them present, or would prefer that you tell their parents while they aren’t around.
Disclosure should only be on a ‘need to know’ basis. For example, it generally isn’t appropriate to share someone’s confidence as a ‘prayer request’ in a group setting unless they request this.
If you can, let the person know about the limits of confidentiality before they share with you. You might want to say something like, ‘Everything you share with me is confidential, unless I have concerns for your or someone else’s safety. In that case, I’ll need to share with the people who need to know to help keep you safe.’ If relevant, you might like to add that you may need to share with someone for personal support, or explain what you are required to share within formalised support structures.
If you would like to confidentially discuss your specific situation, the Butterfly National Helpline (1800 33 4673) is available in Australia to offer advice and support. If you live elsewhere, you may have a similar service locally.
