‘I cannot in anyway accurately describe the despair of being so trapped in your mind and body. I would collapse on my bedroom floor everyday uncontrollably crying, screaming my heart out, trying my absolute hardest to wish myself out of life. How can something so loud and world-consuming be silent to everyone else?’
Whatever the reason an eating disorder has started, its effects can create a self-perpetuating cycle. This can make it very difficult to recover.
‘What to me started out as losing a bit of weight suddenly seems to gain traction, and it becomes…something of the mind really…Everything was about lessening the amount of food I put in my body. And…it just becomes all controlling…It was almost like if you put food in your body, you would be poisoning your body…You lose everything, even your ability to laugh because you have no energy. I couldn’t laugh. I couldn’t do anything. I was silent, you know. And your voice, your hair falls out, I lost my period. For years…bruises just appeared all over your body…It’s honestly, it’s like your brain becomes this, it’s like a…computer control, you know, it’s like big brother in your head, and nothing, the way I saw myself was…completely distorted…I would see myself as a fat person…I would look in the mirror every day and I would not see someone who was very thin. And [the eating disorder] would tell me all the time if I ate that, then I would really be really big.’
Starvation has a profound impact on the brain. This explains many of the thinking patterns that are common in people with eating disorders who limit their food intake. These patterns can make it very difficult to recover. Watch the video below to learn more.
