It can feel uncomfortable when someone shares their concerns about another person’s behaviour with you. These situations can vary widely. There is no ‘one size fits all’ response.
This situation is likely involve an ongoing conversation and journey with the person. These are some things that you might like to consider:
It is important to listen carefully if someone shares with you that they are feeling hurt. Engage with them, rather than being ‘scared away’ or withdrawing because of their experience. And respond in a way that acknowledges their feelings. You don’t necessarily have to agree with how they have interpreted the situation to do this. For example, you could say something like, ‘It sounds like you’re feeling very angry and upset about what has happened.’
Do they just need to talk to someone about how they are feeling? Or are they hoping that you will also respond to the situation in another way? If so, do you think this is appropriate? Or could you discuss an alternative? You might need to take some time to think about this.
Depending on the situation and your relationship with the person, it might be helpful to ask them about what a safe and supportive response from their faith community to their eating disorder might look like. For example, this might include some of the things outlined here. Importantly, it does not include coercion (see ‘be alert for spiritual trauma and abuse below’).
You might reassure the person that they don’t need to involve members of their faith community in their journey if they don’t feel comfortable and safe to do so. Or you might help them to frame their expectations about support that the faith community can offer (for example, faith leaders may be able to offer general and spiritual support, but they don’t necessarily have skills or expertise in eating disorders). You might also want direct them to this page for further thoughts.
Spiritual abuse occurs when people consistently use religious teachings or their religious position to coerce or control another person. This can be deeply harmful. If the person who you are talking to is sharing an experience of spiritual trauma or abuse, it is important to acknowledge this and emphasise that what happened to them is not OK. Help them to stay safe, and to seek support if they are open to this. In Australia, the 1800 RESPECT helpline (1800 737 732) can offer additional support and advice. Be aware that if the situation involves child abuse, you may be required to report it to local authorities (in Australia, check here for requirements in your state or territory).
See Fostering Safe and Supportive Faith Communities for ideas about how to do this.
