It’s often very hard for people to share that they have an eating disorder. If they are already receiving appropriate support, you probably don’t need to raise the issue with them. (If they’re not, you might like to look at the response to I’m concerned that a person at my church may have an eating disorder).
There are many reasons that someone might not want to share that they have an eating disorder. For example, they might:
Church can be a place that feels ‘normal’ for some people with eating disorders – a place where they don’t feel defined by the disorder, and they don’t have to think about treatment for a while. It can offer a community where they feel safe. It can also be a very challenging place because of anxiety, a sense of guilt and shame, or concern about eating in public.
These are some responses that might be helpful:
Just try to treat the person normally. Would you usually interact with them? Then don’t avoid or ignore them. Talk about everyday things.
Take an interest in them as a whole person, not just someone with an eating disorder. You might ask general questions about how they’re doing. This gives them an opportunity to share as much or as little as they want to.
Eating disorders can be intense, consuming and deeply distressing for the person experiencing them and those close to them. They may become emotional or be unable to keep commitments at times. You can show support through offering understanding and being accommodating.
Recognise that the person might find it too difficult to come to events involving food. Still invite them, but don’t pressure them to provide a reason if they decline. You might also like to think about social events that don’t involve food or exercise that you could invite them to attend.
If you’re with someone with an eating disorder at an event that involves food, just engage with them normally. Don’t talk about food or their eating behaviours with them at the table. And don’t offer to put a plate of food together for them unless they have asked you do this.
Consider checking in with the person if you’ve noticed that they have been absent from church for a while. Let them know that you’re thinking of them and praying for them (if appropriate), without expecting them to give a reason for their absence or pressuring them to return.
Eating disorders don’t just affect the individual who is experiencing them, they have an impact upon the whole family unit. If family members are attending your church, they may benefit from support.
You might also like to look at the Fostering Safe and Supportive Faith Communities page for more information about how to create a supportive environment for people who are struggling with eating disorders and other mental health issues.
