Eating disorders are serious and are often hidden. Sometimes, this is because the person doesn’t realise that they have a problem or are not getting help for this. Or they might be receiving help but not want to disclose this. If you are unsure, it’s important not to ignore your concerns. Even if someone with an eating disorder says that they’re fine and appears to be functioning normally, they may be at risk of sudden death. When you’re thinking about addressing the issue, keep the following points in mind.
Eating disorders are often a very sensitive topic. It’s wise to consider whether you are the best one to raise this with the person who you are concerned about. Do you have a safe relationship with them? If not, can you identify one person who does and who might be willing to talk to them? Could you confidentially share your concerns with this person?
Even if you have a relationship with the person who you are concerned about, it can be hard to know how to raise this topic. The good news is that there is guidance available to help you with this. For example, it is usually wise to choose a time and place where you can talk to the person privately. It’s usually best to avoid raising the topic at a mealtime. Be non-judgemental and express your concerns openly and honestly, using ‘I’ statements (for example, ‘I’m worried because…’, rather than ‘You are making me worried’). Consider asking questions about the person’s relationship with food and their body, rather than how much they eat or weigh. The Butterfly Foundation offers helpful guidance for how to approach this conversation, as well as some information about how the person might react.
If you are still worried when you have talked to the person, it is important to encourage them to get help. If they are a child or young person, you may need to let their parents know about your concerns. Ideally you would do this with the young person’s consent, but sometimes this is not possible (see Someone in my church has told me that they are engaging in disordered eating behaviours and asked me to keep it a secret).
To access health professional support, a general practitioner (GP, also called a family physician or primary care physician in some countries) is often a good place to start. Resources are available to help you find healthcare professionals with eating disorder expertise. You might like to offer to attend the first appointment with the person to support them. And if the first healthcare provider doesn’t take your concerns seriously and follow up, encourage the person to see someone else.
However the person responds to you, let them know that you care about them. Pray for them. And keep on caring – one of the most valuable things that you can do for them is to reflect God’s unconditional love.
